First Thong

Without mentioning my specific age may I just say I am from the generation that wore thongs on our feet, not on our seat? My generation has had to undergo radical verbal counseling to re-train our vocabulary. We now are held accountable to properly refer to what used to be footwear by the twenty-first century title of flip-flops.
Disregard for this clarification of terminology may result in highly confusing and somewhat colorful multi-generation conversations.
"I have sand in my thongs."
"My thongs keep falling off."
"Have you seen my thongs?"
My sister, a size 2, took me, a size none-of-your-business, to shop for my first thong. "You will love it! So comfortable! No panty lines!"
There is only one small catch-one size fits all?
Will all women size 10 or smaller rise, smile and repeat petite-ly after me;
"One size fits all". Please sit down.
Now,will the rest of the room join me in a loud round of making the raspberry sound (tongue between teeth, flutter lips by blowing
forcefully out, resulting in a rude bodily function noise).
Only other women with full figures such as mine will know to what I refer when I ask, "On which set of hip-hills does one place the side lace panels? And, if one takes the higher road, how do you get that ‘comfortable' little hiney-floss to stay out in the open? And, if one does not work one's glutes on a regular fitness regimen, achieving their maximum rock hardness, where is the Lycra control of one's previous granny panties? You know? The ones that give at least an illusion of non-Jello flabbiness to one's derriere?
Good questions all-with no valid comebacks.
One size fits all? My ass!